Monsters in my closet

Today was strange in the sense that I just kept letting my mind wander around, and ended up being sub-productive although I seemed to have covered a lot of content. Tomorrow will be a better day!! -waves pompoms- Maybe changing the type of tea made me all jittery and stuff. Talk about striking a balance. I need a life.

Actually my normal life isnt that exciting to begin with. My point is, I want to spend time not studying without guilt and all. Sometimes I wonder if that’s really a good thing.

Anyway, one word suddenly struck me while I was spacing out today.

Monsters.

Maybe because I think I’m facing one now. Either that or I feel like I’m turning into one. Exams are just… Exams. I hate how they can exert such a great influence on me and make me act all spoilt and mean to people. And you have no idea how many times I had to remind myself that exams are merely 身外物, that I shouldn’t let exams devour me and destroy my life.

Stress is nothing but counterproductive. And my happiness index is sinking into a whole new low since…. The last time I had a final year exam haha. Finals. What an ominous word. I’m quite scared that all this worrying and fear is pathological and that I’ll eventually crack and… That it’ll manifest as a real disease.

You know how there are lots of descriptions of how people with eating disorders have a distorted image of their physical appearance? I wonder if there’s something like that in other aspects of life too. Like how actually people are doing OK, but they just imagine the worst of themselves. Maybe I’m guilty of that too.

Steph please feel better soon. 2 weeks is too long to feel so down. And I can’t believe I wrote so much about exams zzz.

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