Dark clouds

Feeling super worn out after going for my first (and maybe only) ortho call yesterday. I wouldn’t say it was useless so I won’t go back, but it’s just that there are probably better and more important things to mug for now. But anyway, I stayed longer than I expected and I’m glad I did because the more interesting stuff only came in after a certain time. I also got to know people around better too. So not a bad thing afterall.

Anyway, CNY is coming! But, those born in the Rooster year is going to have tough luck this year. I don’t completely believe things like that but it’s honestly like a smack to your face at the starting line of a race you’ve yet to run. Every single component – general luck, career, love – looks bad. I feel bad for berating my dad for showing me a photo of all that when I already roughly know about it and for the photo that was blur (although technically it’s his fault for taking a blur photo), but still… there are things I shouldn’t do anyway.

I guess there’s some good news too. Indo has finally replied so we need to start looking for air tickets and accommodation and apply for visa.

Feeling so unmotivated and ugh.

Anyway I finally did something I deliberated for a long time some days ago. -Pats self on back- It was something really small but it felt like a big step for me. Kinda like the one small step for a man, one big step for mankind kinda thing… I exaggerate. It was not as bad as I thought, because I didn’t expect much in the first place. I think this is the most comfortable I can get with this person already, given the kind of history, so I’m not going to try anymore.

I guess there’s a reason why I value friendship (and family ties) above all other kinds of love. I never have to fear losing anything – not them, or any part of myself. I never have to wonder if I have to pretend I’m someone I’m not. I’ll somehow leech on their lives such that they can’t ditch me for life. There are people I lost through the gaps, but never forever anyway.

The dark clouds will clear.


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