I suddenly have to worry about what I say and how I dress and what my hair looks like from the back. I have to be concerned about how I’m angling my body during conversation and if I’m making enough eye contact or if I’m making too much eye contact and giving him the impression that I am trying to suck out his soul through his eye sockets. I have to impress his friends and ride in his car and make nice with his cat and then hug his mom even though I am sweating everywhere from the sheer exertion of smiling so hard.
And worst of all: I have to be vulnerable. I have to open myself up to judgment and rejection. I have to talk about my past and my pains and hope that he’ll still want to hold my hand after he finds out that I drool rivers in my sleep and cackle like a witch sucking helium.
Yep yep, no one else has said it better. It’s just a phase… Sigh.
- Ortho feels a lot like studying physics. It always feels very tough studying by yourself then when someone explains it to you/ some random moment of enlightenment kicks in, chey it’s not that bad. But I still don’t like it.
- I dislike doing research too. It’s sucking the life out of me although I haven’t done much.
Anyway, a music video from Every Single Day. It’s so upbeat I can’t bear to feel sad anymore.