Days and nights

It feels like many short days have passed given that I kept falling asleep today. Once on the train in the morning, once in the library, once in my mum’s car. This is the pain of an unnatural body clock.

But anyway, I suddenly have this realization that… sometimes people really just do things for themselves. They don’t stand in my way outright but it gets quite irritable when all I get asked is who is a better teacher, what things are worth going for. Plus I already know you went around asking other people about it. Then you just need that double confirmation to make the best decision for yourself. I don’t know why but it just makes me feel like I’m being used. Or maybe it’s already very apparent but I didn’t notice.

Sometimes I listen to your complaints about how the people around you can be assholes. Then sometime later I hear from another friend that one of the people you mentioned bitched about you to him. But then on Facebook, I’ll see photos of happy smiley faces. Which is like… can you guys just show how you really feel? And not secretly talk behind other people’s back. Maybe the rumours are right. It makes me feel like it isn’t worthwhile standing up for this friend anymore.

Ugh shall not care about such small stuff anymore.

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