Today is one of those days where nothing seems to go my way.
Stumbled out of bed with a headache which I actually went to bed with the night before. Finally found some resolution with the help of panadol. Then there was the remedial notification. Then I got bugged to make my appointment for HPV vaccination, which I failed to, because 1)I can’t choose that option from the online appointment system and 2) nobody picks up the appointment hotline although I have called more than 5 times on different days previously.
Then the acute case write-up feedback came and… somehow I feel so inadequate. It’s a case of GE and the feedback made me feel like my clinical reasoning wasn’t there. I thought I covered all grounds. I guess the tutor tried to make everything sound positive. Like you should have done this etc etc. Instead of, it’s wrong to do this this this. Sigh.
Sometimes i really wonder what life would be if I’m not here, as in med school. I’m not just learning new content. I’m learning a new language. A new way of life. This challenging yourself and pushing all boundaries thing… just sounds nice. But what’s the point? It’s like I’m spending energy fighting myself? I’m not so sure if my life now is better than being a useless blob.
I’m sorry that I seem like I can’t take setbacks. It’s just that years of not having to confront anything… has created so much ease. And maybe pride.
Today is one of those days I wish I can go backwards. Like way backwards. Further than secondary school or primary school. Maybe a sperm/egg shall do.