Let em talk

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School is starting soon!!! I haven’t found the motivation/ discipline to read up properly. 😦 It feels like there are alot more interesting things to spend time on! Oh well. I’ll start soon. Sigh. We’re supposed to know what we have to learn in the hospitals. Keep repeating that, Steph.

So in the midst of all the previous “I feel so lost”/ “I have no identity” posts, I permed my hair. Hmm I didn’t bring that up. Initially it was nothing like the photo I showed the auntie! It still isn’t but I feel better about it anyway. In my mind I seemed to look like Joker. In my brother’s POV, I was like Little Lulu. Tamed my mane with olive oil and some hair moisturizing thing. Tried using the curling iron (today is the second time) and I think it helps! I guess it’ll get better. 🙂 I wonder if I’ll have enough time or even bother to maintain my hair from now on. It definitely needs more care now.

I think a more interesting question should be about why I permed my hair. As I told some friends, it was because I wanted change in my life. And I got sick of my hairstyle (typical straight hair with side-parted fringe). Looking back, I wonder if it was really just hair that I got sick of. But anyway, I just felt that I needed to do something. I’ve been living the same way for too long. So there you go. Although it didn’t turn out all glamourous and silky and shiny like on TV, but instead all frizzed out and dry, I don’t regret. I made the decision afterall. And my mum paid. So essentially I didn’t have anything to feel sad about. 🙂

It’s the last week of the holidays now and I haven’t corrected my body clock. 😦 I totally lost all discipline over my mind and body this holiday man.

Visited the Arts Museum and National Museum yesterday though. Alone! I’m actually freaking damn proud of it haha! I didn’t enjoy the exhibits that much. It was ok. But I did it alone! Ventured around by myself! (To the extent that I got quite lost and must have showed it on my face cos the staff in the museum approached me to offer help.) I feel so… grown up? Well, not quite the term too. Kinda liberated. Like I could control my time and go along with my whims.

I didn’t have to be in a crowd of friends and conform to societal pressure. No more watching movies I don’t really want to catch in cinemas because my bro will somehow or another make it available at home some time later too. (Well, I guess I still have to someday, again, and again.) No more feeling obliged to join dinner after something because I felt like I said “no” too many times. No more not dressing in a different way because it would seem so unlike you, ie. you just dress however way you feel like. Polka dots dress? Aye ok. You get the idea.

I don’t hate my friends. But some “down” time by myself while being outside is so comfortable. It’s a little awkward initially because everywhere you look, there’s a company of people and you seem so out of place. But I guess no one really cares. Even I don’t care so much when I see someone alone. The only bad thing I can think of is that there’s no one to help you look after your stuff when you want to go to the toilet and not bring everything in.

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