Awkward

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Ok I’m getting annoyed because I can’t upload my photo here. Speaking of uploading, I just realised there is a limit to how much media you can upload. Till now, I have used 7% of the limit, so I guess that’s not supposed to be a worry right? But what do worrywarts do best? Worry.

Today is Mother’s Day but being a family with very reserved feelings and inadequacy in expressing ourselves or just too tired to show appreciation, we celebrated by not cooking. It’s really a good deal. Cooking for the family is a tiring job, considering how we always don’t do shortcuts despite my suggestions. Anyway, we’re just really not the kind to go all out to celebrate.

I don’t have touching story involving my mother to share. But she’s really the only woman to love me and I’ll love back. I remember her baking a cake for me for one of my birthdays. She isn’t one who bakes. And she did, even though my dad already bought one and my brother had baked one. So that year (16 I think), I had 3 birthday cakes. Until now, I’m not sure if the cake came by out of her curiosity with baking. But it doesn’t matter. It’s still nice to flaunt the fact that she baked for me.

Not to forget the way she remembers what I like. How she’ll (try to) cook half boiled eggs for me in the morning after I told her my affection/obsession with eggs. Somehow the eggs always end up being boiled throughout. Same goes for salted veg soup and pig trotters… And the list goes on.

I remember us sleeping together on days where my dad went overseas and she’ll pull me into a hug. Despite it being uncomfortable, it’s a nice feeling. I felt protected. Sometimes she’ll lecture me in the dark but I guess it’s ok.

Some days aren’t that harmonious. We have our disagreements. But there really isn’t one strongly embedded in my mind. There were times I felt resentful for not being given the same stuff my peers are given. Those are the times when I think back and feel ashamed of. For there’s only so much one can give to another when all she gets back is wrinkles. And I think I have been given more than enough – an education (school and more). “I’ll rather teach you all to fish than to give you fish. Next time ah gong ah ma will be proud to flaunt you all when they are down there.”

21 years is a long time to give to someone. Thanks for planting the seed of life (sperm plus egg haha sorry if it’s crude) and making sure it grows up right.

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