Low lights

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The internet is awfully slow.

So I went to a friend’s 21st party yesterday. Happy birthday dear friend!! You’re finally 21! The party was good. It was like a RV gathering except I wasn’t close to most of the people there. Even when I was talking to some ex-classmates, I found it hard to come up with a good conversation starter or continue the conversations. I guess it is normal. I find myself slowly morphing into the adults I used to see when I was much younger, which didn’t feel very long ago either. Social circles grow smaller, conversations become shorter and the content gets more… dry. As we drift apart, conversations drift from whether we can make it to university/what course to choose to politics/policies/exchanges. Soon, we’ll be talking about jobs, houses, cars, marriage, children, voting. The dream of growing up came too fast and is nowhere near the end. I guess I should stop being to shocked at how fast life is passing by and actually make sure life is passing by the right way for me.

Yesterday, I was also stopped by a beautician and was dragged into her store. Turns out, I have freckles, dark pigmentation, oil spots etc. It’s not like I am unaware of it. I just don’t see it as an issue. I can’t blame her for pointing all that out because that is probably the most efficient way of running her business. I was a little upset though. After some thinking, I guess I’m upset at how beauty is perceived. Fair, smooth, not oily/dry, even tone, unblemished. I had that, like maybe in the first 10 years of my life. Oh wait, moles probably already came in at the age of 5. So make that the first 5 years of my life. Eversince then, I’ve been… just like another other thing you own. My colour changed, I get more spots. Blemishes. Before I even found someone to re-affirm me of any virtue/beauty I have, there’s already someone (actually also not the first time) to let me know my physical appearance isn’t… good enough. Part of me wonders if that’s true. Which may lead to lack of suitors and whatnots. Such superficial thoughts haha. Superficial but real, and raw. The counselor in me knows what to say, so I know the right way to think – I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down.

My energy has been pretty low. Will try to do something about it. That’s all till then. 

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