No idea why I’ll rather stay up and write something when I’m mildly tired and all tucked in already. Currently spoiling my eyes by looking at the bright screen in the dark, at close proximity, without my glasses. But it’s the holidays. So I can afford to stay up (a little worried for the complexion) and I should be writing more often given the free time.

Arranged for a job interview but most probably going to give the job a miss because it is even further than traveling to school. Google maps says it’ll take 1 hour 18 minutes. Not sure if I have the patience to spare. Currently not in dire need of money but I’m not in a financially favorable position either. In short, I just don’t have any disposable income. Slightly inching towards negative after deducting the essential payments to institutions. And yeah I admit I’m kinda spoilt.

Would be financially much more stable personally if I hadn’t taken up driving lessons. Would have saved around 2k? And I’m still quite scared of driving despite getting my license on the first try with a very good score. Maybe I should have started driving the moment I gotten my license, instead of procrastinating till I gotten the P plate which I also procrastinated in getting. Now I’m scared of driving because it is not my car, I don’t have any insurance for the car if I drive it and some accident happens, and because I haven’t driven for a dreadfully long period of time. Sobs. I must really get my ass in the car more frequently this holiday.

Read some MO’s blog and… She talks and acts somewhat like us when she was our age. As an outsider, it’s easy to see how she changed. It’s fun reading about her trips once in a while too. Makes me wonder if I’ll feel regretful in the future when I look back at my dismal traveling experiences. Especially when I know of friends currently uncovering the surface of the globe like scratch-it cards. Makes me wonder if I should be living a life like this too. I don’t know if I’m normal sometimes. At home, it’s very normal to lead a (less eventful) life like mine. Yet among my social circle, sometimes I feel odd. Like that’s not the way someone of my age should be living.

What’s normal? Is it important to do the things people do to feel normal? To feel like you’re living your life the right way? What is right? Do we share the same definitions? Is it ok as long as there’s no bloodshed or harm done? I know the answers to all the questions yet I always doubt my answers.

Caught up with a couple of friends over whatsapp (I’m so dependent on technology I somehow feel ashamed). And I’m glad they are willing to share their life with me. Whether it’s a budding friendship/ relationship, sticky situations, interesting encounters… It’s nice to be kept in the loop. Tried to keep them in the loop as well. As much as my unentertaining life can entertain.

I admitted to one friend that I still have that tweeny weeny bit of feelings for someone and the feeling shouldn’t be there. We both agreed that I should just give it time to disappear completely. I guess it’s so hard because there was never closure and I never sought one because I felt like I didn’t have any right to demand one. After much thinking, I should have. It’s an adult kinda thing to do in my opinion but… I forget I’m an adult sometimes. I need to learn to deal with it. If one day an opportunity pops by, I’ll ask. Not for continuation, but just to know and finally close that chapter.

Another friend’s conversation was interesting because of another friend of hers, who just from listening, seems like a really cool dude who enjoys life and had varied interests. Made me feel worthless when I think back on the times I was that age. But it’s inspiring too.

Right, it’s almost 2am. I should stop.


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