Ice cold

So I’m going to just randomly talk about whatever comes to my mind.

My brother and I have finally finished the website and he did a large part of it. That makes me feel quite bad for receiving the same amount of reward. At least I guess the worst is over, and I can finally stop looking at html/whatever web builder tools I have no interest in. It’s been stressing me out and with my mum nagging us over it never ever helps the situation feel any better.

I keep re-evaluating my feelings about this guy, and the guy himself. I have no conclusion and some time yesterday,  I wonder if I even want any further connection with that person. If I don’t, I shouldn’t be wasting his time. If I do, are my feelings even legit? Am I supposed to feel happy and fireworks-rainbowish-unicorns-flying-around kind of blissful sappy happiness whenever I talk to/hang out with him? Because I don’t and most of the time I just fear running out of things to say and having awkward silence (which fortunately, silence has happened but not awkward to me). I don’t really like dragging things and being unsure about stuff but time is one of my best friends when I need clarity. I guess haste won’t bring any good. So even if in the end it turns out that I’m wasting that person’s time, I’m so sorry but I really need time. Actually, you can’t ever like what you don’t know. So ya, another reason why I need time. Sometimes, I wish we are able to talk beyond what we do, because that only tells me so much about who you are.

Was in a horrible mood yesterday night because of the website and the random small problems floating at the back of my mind. Thought I was just going to sleep it off. Then UK friend chatted with me for a while and I felt a whole ton better although I didn’t talk about what was bugging me. It’s really comforting when a friend comes along when you feel bad and tells you unrelated stuff which are quite funny and makes that just makes you feel a whole lot better. Talked about her lesbian hostel mates and that they broke up and moved elsewhere. It’s totally none of my business because I don’t know them but they never fail to amuse me. So somehow, hearing about them just lightens my mood. Then I started to recall the times the same friend and I chatted before she moved over to UK and how she laughed. The familiarity was comforting. It makes me think that you don’t need the world when you got all you need. And that’s pretty much all that matters.

Had a chilling dream too. It’s been ages since I had a dream, much less one that I can actually remember. That shows that the dream lasted quite long in my sleep. Anyway, I dreamt that I witnessed someone fall from one floor to another at a staircase landing. No, it was not just a fall down the steps but the kind where the person falls over the hand railing down to the next floor. It’s difficult for me to describe the layout the the place although I still have a mental picture of it. The fall was kind of like how someone would commit suicide by jumping off the building. Except that I don’t think it was the case in the dream. It was more like foul play/some freak accident.

Anyway, I saw the person land head first despite having people running towards him when they saw him falling too. I remember turning my head away and screaming when his head contacted the ground. Other people around did too. Then there was a pool of blood and people spamming 995 and 999 until the lines got engaged. There must be some lapse in the dream because the next thing I recall is me trying to wake the dude because I felt that people who injure their heads have a better survival rate if they are conscious (dramas are like that right). So yeah the guy manages to regain his consciousness but the first thing he told me is, “I don’t want to talk to you, I want to talk to -some other girl from med-“. It’s ridiculous in that setting but yeah I made my exit for that girl and then… another lapse in the dream.

The police arrived earlier than the ambulance and concluded that it was a freak accident. Which I felt was not the case! Not even when I woke up and thought about it. Because I remember seeing the guy hanging upside down by something/someone before he slowly slipped and fell. Except that I can’t tell what or who he was hanging onto. Yeah so later in the dream, it turned out that the guy survived and had to undergo some amino acid sequence change in his DNA so that he can regain his balance. Um not scientifically proven in real life. I suspect that part came out cos I read a bit about insulin and it had some AA changes in the molecules.

It’s quite a weird and scary dream. Would have shared this with um that person, but never mind.

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