Pandemic

Sadness is infectious. Sigh looking at my phone as though there will be an app to make me feel better. Overly reliant on technology.

My mum just reminded me of how lucky I am. She didn’t say it in my face. She just talked about the usual stuff… she often talks about how tough it is to do business these days. I know because I’ve gone out with her sometimes and watched her bring goods from her car to her customers, sometimes bring more goods back from them (ie they refunded the clothes). I know because of the way she asks us about how to make business better/what jobs she can change to… and then we give patronizing answers and she asks again few days later. I know because she just helped my neighbour alter their clothes for $16, which i presume will take at least 4 hours to complete (2 pairs of pants).

I’m lucky because I get to sit here in my room typing this on the phone, while she alters the clothes… and normally when she’s out at work. Lucky because I don’t have to do much household chores despite being physically fitter and relatively more free (as of now). There’s not much I have to worry because she has done all the worrying for me. Now that I think about it, all I ever worry about is grades/never finding a husband/misc things that fade with time.

Feeling guilty right now cos I haven’t done anything useful all day, except maybe washing the dishes and breaking a bowl in the process. Feeling even more guilty thinking about not getting a job this holiday cos I wanted to do what I want and enjoy the freedom. Now the holiday is coming to an end and all I can do, is to be the smallest worry to my mum.

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