Recently I keep typing things into anything with a textbox and then furiously deleting everything. And I feel a midnight writer’s mind block coming up soon. I feel like an orange squeezed out of juice and I’m just digging out the pulp right now, as though I have some kind of OCD. That image reflects the quality of my writing/ideas these days. But pulp can be good right? Not as refreshing as the juice but the fibre keeps your guts clean. Well, at least digging out this pulp makes my mind feel clearer.

I just decided I’ll have a monologue. I’m just gonna ramble… it’s a pulp-ish post so don’t expect much haha.

I just read someone’s blog (I know the person but not personally, always felt that I could resonate with a few of her posts). The thing about wanting to tell someone some things, then scrolling through the contact list, then deciding there’s no need to let them know… happens alot to me. Sometimes although there are already ongoing conversations in the inbox, you just can’t seem to send your thoughts away. I think I have issues hahaha.

I stopped tweeting recently. Like, no, just don’t want to broadcast my thoughts anymore. Not sure why exactly.

I can’t wait for the CIP to be over! And I don’t think I wanna help organize anymore. Just don’t like it and I feel happier working on the ground. Shall just volunteer from now on. I think we’ve been trained to think that organizing an event/ being a leader of some sorts is extremely valuable on and off paper. Ok la I admit that’s partly why I joined. But now, I realised my calling to be more of a participant/follower haha. I don’t care if it’s the same as what some 500 people are doing. To people who really like to lead and organize things, I truly admire you for that spirit. 🙂

I’m considering waking up early… like sy haha. I wish I have normal biological clock like hers, seems healthier too. I always have this image of me being like a Disney princess/ a very pretty lead in dramas where every morning I wake up with the sunlight gently invading my face. Then I’ll wake up chirpy and cheery with very nice hair. I’ll walk to the window (somehow I’ll stop using aircons/ fans) and be greeted by colourful, harmless birds visiting my potted plants (which thrive) on the window ledge. I’ll look down on the streets and be admire its bustling activity. Whatever happens later… hmm will be fictitious too. Sadly, mornings in my life are no way like that. Usual mornings, where I go to school, are cold, dark, with mynahs and pigeons, cars cars cars everywhere, grouchy and grumpy. One day, one day.

That’s a true monologue. Look at the amount of ’I’s I used! Come to think about it, when I have a husband, that’s probably what I’ll be telling him while we nua on bed before sleeping. Ok I’m on my quest to a healthier biological clock, good night!


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