It’s official, I’m turning into a rock. An emotionless and apathetic rock. A rock which is desperate to be able to feel again. 😦
That’s the conclusion I’ve gotten partly from the lack of tears/any form of human reaction from movies and novels. Maybe the movie was lousy but everyone said the movie was not bad.
Another reason for this conclusion is the lack of feeling that I need to going on an OCIP? It’s just that everytime someone starts appealing for volunteers for OCIP, I don’t feel drawn towards it. In my mind, it’ll be like, hmm ok good cause, I’ll support it if they ask for donations/help like that. But I just don’t feel like I really, really want to be right there to help offer education/other services. I feel bad, but I really can’t help it. I’m in a community which sparkles with sequins of compassion/kindness/empathy/humanity (It’s a weird description, please bear with it). Now I’m just not so sure if I’m as sparkly as I really should be.
I’m not against mud and dirt, imparting knowledge, or dealing with people. I enjoyed local CIPs cleaning people’s houses, talking to elderly, filling forms and other mundane admin work. I just don’t feel the need to be flying off somewhere to do that. I think, to be honest, even if you slam pictures of hungry kids or something along those lines, in my face, my opinion would not change. I know I sound damn callous. But, why be there, when you can be here doing the same?
I know OCIP will still be different from a local one, somehow. And whatever I said can be inaccurate cos afterall, I still haven’t gone for an OCIP yet. It’ll definitely have its perks. Hmm, just not that much that I think I should be going. Furthermore, if I make a half-hearted decision to go just because everyone goes and it makes me look sparkly, I don’t think I can truly help the people there too.
Maybe I’m saying all this… but it’s actually just another way to say I’m a callous, heartless piece of rock. But either case, you wouldn’t want to throw a rock at some other country’s kids/elderly too right?
I’m definitely not bashing anyone who goes and actively supports OCIPs. I’m proud of friends who go and create smiles over there. I just don’t think I’m ready/sensible/sparkly enough to be like them.