a different kind of pain

Today i’ve reached the limit of my tolerance. Everything happened like a blur and after everything, when i looked back, it was like i wasn’t thinking. I just lashed out my defence. I don’t care if it worked. And i wanted to break down every offence made at me. It was unfair, unreasonable and ridiculous. Somehow tears flowed and i really dislike myself for letting that happen cos it wasn’t worthed my tears. Felt tired after a while and dozed off.

I hate how people put words into my mouth and thoughts into my mind. They never were there and i hate it when people assume the worst of me (especially when it’s false). This kind of thing way surpasses a pet peeve. I guess it’s one of the things that will make me break all ties with the person who did it. Unfortunately, ties are not easily broken. But, it really really hurts when the person is someone close. Time will heal all wounds but the scars will always be there. Such a cliche saying but once in a while, it’s true.

I always think about my relationships with people and how i should classify them. I will always imagine my heart like a treasure in a castle. Then there’s a castle wall (i don’t know the actual phrase) surrounding the castle. Some people i’ll let into the castle and they can visit my thoughts and inner emotions as and when they like. I feel safe with people like that and i can put my defences down. Some people, i’ll much rather keep them outside the castle wall and maybe on a rare occasion allow a glimpse of my heart/real thoughts/emotions. I guess it works that way for everyone. It’s sad when people who you let into the castle hurt you and you’re defenceless. Not the first time things like that happen and i suppose it won’t be the last until i keep everyone outside the castle. I think that it’s sad when people hurt you when you’re defenceless, but it’s also sad when you no longer allow anyone into the castle.

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