no one can be saved

Practicality killed every lofty ambition.

I remember wanting to be a nurse when i was younger. It wasn’t because of some noble reason to care for patients etc. I just wanted to be the receptionist at the front desk calling names to see the doctor/giving instructions to how to eat the medicine. I guess i probably saw that when i was younger at a private clinic and thought it was fun… I remember telling that to my mum and she told me that it was not worth it being a nurse because of the salary. Then i abandoned the thought. Not because of the pittance of salary, but because i felt that i shldnt be something which my own family didnt think much of. Now that i think about it, i suppose i just wanted a job which seemed respectable. And now, i still do.

Note: I still think nurses are great. I know they do much more than wait at the reception counter. All the knowledge i have of nurses make me respect them even more. Definitely a respectable career, just one where they dont get the respect and salary they deserve somehow.

I remember aspiring to become a doctor too, to save lives. Sounds superb! But then i realised that they dont really save them most of the time, the most they can do is to prolong life/reduce their pain. This has nothing to do with practicality. It’s nature, so i shall not delve much into it. This time, the ambition lasted a bit longer but eventually faded away somehow.

Forward 12 years later, I never really thought i’ll return to the doctor ambition again. Since the circumstances permit, i really do wanna do something meaningful as a job, i dont like those business/law/admin rat race things for the rest of my life, i suppose it’s still worth giving it a shot. (you may say physiotherapists/social work/volunteers fulfill all these criteria too, but i like things with a larger dose of science – machines/medicine/chemicals/mugging science textbooks etc) The thing is, when i was writing my personal statement, i secretly thought it seemed more like something i would write for nursing.

Everything goes in a circle.

But i still didnt choose nursing. And i’m guilty of contributing to the “it’s not as prestigious” thing. Last time it was like that, now it still is. I just wish i had a more altruistic soul.

I remember reading this quote that goes something like this – the worst part of life is being someone you told yourself you wouldnt be. I wish i’m a better person than what i am now. 

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