instant inspirations

I suppose I had dreams and great ambitions I wanted to fulfil when I was younger. I dont have much recollection of them though. I rmb I wanted to be a doctor, but I dont rmb why. I rmb having many ambitions that came about from tv shows. Then I dont really know what happened, all this stopped. I no longer rmb how it is like to anticipate the future. Maybe I’m just alot more fearful now, but why? Maybe reality and expectations had sank in and embedded themselves in my soul. “Don’t want la, do that wont earn money one.” Honestly, I only want a job that is enough to sustain my survival and basic needs. I think seems so impractical and thoughtless to many ppl. Maybe I just dont know how powerful money is. I dont know when my life became a minefield, when im afraid of taking the wrong step and end up being bruised and battered. I dont know when I started living for others, I dont even know if all these is a bad thing… having no dream, no ambition, doing what others deem fit, living not with air food and water but expectations and grades.

I think im going to implode soon.

If I can do absolutely anything I want,

I can’t think of anything now. Ugh what happened?!?! What do I really want? T_T

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