it’s another beginning

Last post for the year! But who knows how long i’ll take to type it out, it could end up being published next year haha. 10:56pm, alright, i have about an hour before new year comes. Hahaha it may seem strange that i take so long to publish a post but it’s because my thoughts flow as slowly as viscous liquid.

I just chanced by the school graduation certificate folder on ivle just now (i was hoping to see the timetable and the teachers for next year). Horror. It really sucks that it only includes things for this year and next year. I’m trying very very hard to list out important milestones this year. Ok, so i got cip hours (lots and lots) and i took the initiative to do my own cip outside. Haha must try to make myself sound special somehow although to employers/interviewers, taking initiative is probably mandatory in the first place. So, it means i’m compassionate and trying to contribute to society (actually anyone who has done cip can say the same thing lor). I’ve went for events like pre-u sem, the attachment -.-hmm. I think trying to come up with things that bring out the best in you will actually bring out the worst in you. Seriously lack of leadership = the most fatal thing. Which is now, so dead. How to make myself a leader next year! Unless GP rep counts somehow, but i really didnt do anything then. Also, lack of achievements = incompetence. Why do they need a sheet of paper to prove our abilities?! Reality bites. No, it chews away your flesh.

That chunk of words above has reflected my experience in 2010. Short and unflavoured. And mostly, embedded with regrets. Sometimes i think regrets can be described as a force that causes life to tear at the seams. And the thing is, it won’t stop coming back into your life. No matter how big the regret is, it affects your life one way or another. Maybe without it we wont ever learn. Life is not a bed of roses. Frankly, this year has been somewhat wasted. I can’t afford another year like this, but i don’t know what to do.

11:26pm now. Half of the world is probably shouting Happy New Year simultaneously already and the other half still in deep slumber. At times like this, i somehow feel so small and insignificant.

Some fantasies to scrap and some dreams to keep.
Albeit not knowing how to achieve them,
Think, be cautious, be conscientious,
Take chances and don’t be afraid.

I tell you, i’m more timid than a mouse. And sometimes i don’t even know what’s so scary. Failure, judgement… Actually, i think it’s just judgement from people. I know it’s superficial… but i can’t help it. I think what i should do first is to really work hard and keep my studies on track. That should give me some confidence alr. Then… I’m still thinking.

Stop brooding on the past aka my bed of regrets in 2010. Try try try and don’t give up. I think happiness will seep in by itself somehow. And yeah, grab chances. Oh yes, most importantly, don’t procrastinate. Please bless me with some courage to face 2011 bravely. Please let 2011 be a good year.

I have the power to make it good. I have it! 2010 only marks the end of my regrets, my laziness (in studies, ok, other aspects of life too. i’ll try.) and inactivity in school (this, i can only hope, but i’ll try!). It’s another beginning now.

It’s 11:47pm now. I know it’s early but Happy New Year! Thank you for reading/listening all this while! šŸ˜€

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