same old heartbeat

These 2 days were supposed to be the chill-out-before-starting-work days for me. Chill out = sleeping + doing rubbish things i like at home. Uhh i do wish i could sleep more although i clocked a total of about 23 hours these 2 days. Eh but i don’t think it’s enough leh, as in enough to compensate the lack of sleep for the first week of holidays. Plus i didn’t wake up naturally (was being woken up zzz) so that means i haven’t slept to my heart’s content!

Sigh, anyway i went to my mum’s office to help out (ironing D: ) so my saturday flew by just like that. And then my mother kept nagging cos i was catching up on my treasure isle and 败犬女王, D: not a plesant experience. I mean, you wanted the com on friday night so i couldnt catch up, so shldnt it be ok for me to continue using it on saturday. Sighhh. And then my dad and brother went out for a wedding dinner.

So today morning, all thanks to family gatherings and kaypo people, i became one of the topics in the morning conversation. -.- I dun even know if i can get into university with good grades (aka the 4 ‘A’s which is so rampant nowadays), so why am i being imposed with goals and dreams that are not from me?! I can’t even manage my studies properly now, what makes you think in 2 years time i’ll get into a faculty that’ll wow the family and bring you glory. I hate it when they fast forward so much and project so much into the future i havent even considered. And i hate it more knowing that i have no dream of my own to overturn those goals set unwillingly on me. D:

Sigh, i guess it’s better to keep mum about anything i’m thinking now. It’ll be argued that whatever they think is good for me is indeed good for me. Don’t see how la actually. Sometimes i think i just got to be more confident in my thinking, confident enough such that others would believe i’m old enough to do my own thinking. But the truth is, sometimes i even doubt my own decisions zzzzz. I think i’ll just try to manage my own studies first. Competition out there is bloody stiff.

And btw, i think it’s better to shelve all feelings i have now. Numb me and turn me into a robot for the next 2 years!


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