bittersweet symphony

sometimes it really sucks to know that while everyone else’s homes are like their retreat, a place where you can relax and share stuff, mine isn’t. it’s like instead of making my stress/problems/burdens (not that i’m really facing any now) any lighter, it seems to make things worse. apart from the chores, there’s still the people. whom ya dah you’ll say they meant well and stuff, dun seem to really absorb what i say or accept what i do, unless it’s what they want or has proven to show results. yes yes every household has their own set of problems. but it’s just that, sometimes they shld ask me what i want instead of just giving me that one option to do things, to run life. no, i do not want to be a doctor. i have no interest in fiddling a scapel for the rest of my life, writing prescriptions, looking at x rays or whatever data sheet from a machine. i dun have the yearning to contribute to society this way. esp since it’s a broken dream from another family member, it just makes me more repulsive to the idea you’re forcing down on me. honestly, sometimes i think i want to be a lawyer. justice prevails, i believe that. i like how laws define what’s right and wrong, although there are corruptions sometimes, but still, that’s where lawyers are needed again. righteous ones. but it’s something i dun wish to announce, in case, you know, i change my mind. but this dream has been floating in my mind for a bit. i know there’ll be lots to overcome. you gotta be like the cream of the crop, or at least near there, be good in…talking/debating/english, selections and interviews… before you even get the chance to study law. then even if i make it, there’s still employment problems and the “supply more than demand” thing that they say lawyers face… but if i dun even try and just do whatever you want me to do, then it’s not my life, it’s yours.

i’m glad no one reads this. i got to work my ass off if i really want to take charge now.

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