unproductivity

i’m sort of getting used to the idea of not having my laptop around. aka rotting away with tv, tea and neopets and really little reading.

had another dream, really odd and crazy. urgh woke up with dry eyes.

watched a bit of ellen on tv recently and i think the part where she talked abt twitter with ppl saying things like “i’m making a sandwich now!” and Hey! Who cares?! is really really funny. and truthful to me. ooh and i found the dance with the dancers from So You think you Can Dance is damn cool. 🙂 right now…. there’s nth to watch. zzzzzz.

oh yeah i just read the foot note on the edusave merit bursary letter ytd night. T_T sigh, and i thought the top 25% would include the top 10%. yeah yeah you may think i’m wishing for too much when my gpa and score seems reasonably good enough. the point is, i did put in hard work throughout the year for this! except for term 3. hmm. but still, who would have thought a term, worthed 10%, of relaxing/slacking would make such a big difference! and i thought i’ve never worked so bloody hard in my life for term 4, for the eoys, for the 50%. sigh, thought it was really possible to get the scholarship money. and i kind of doubt it’s possible for me to get the merit bursary money. although i really feel like blaming the school for moderating so much (come on la look at our year end results, i bet they used term 3 to moderate) and raising my hopes… sigh. it’s true what my bro said, hard work is not directly proportionate to success.

when you could visualize everything coming true and enact the scene in your mind [the money into your bank account -kaching kaching $$$- after months and months of paying attention and working hard(at least i thought it was enough), the chance to prove your worth after the very very sad 2008], and it doesn’t actually happen in reality, you can really feel your heart sink. let me wallow in self pity. oh and let me reiterate my point that the idea of gpa sucks: the idea of gpa sucks.

did i place my hopes too high?

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