who knows

had a kind of weird and unlucky but still happy day. it’s like pluses and minuses and the pluses outweigh the minuses by alot, just that the pluses are… i dun really know either, hahaha but i feel happy when i’m with the people around me. 🙂 didnt really think that this sort of thing would actually brighten up a monday or any particular day. but truth is, it can. 🙂 oooh and the fact that we didnt have hw today, it’s a giant plus.

sometimes i think that it’s only now that i really felt so free and oriented towards something. hmm it’s quite lifeless la, to get good grades and live happily. simple, but definitely not easy! it’s like, for a very long time, i could finally feel like i’m not bounded by anything. well, almost. restrictions and boundaries are everywhere, but usually i think i can live with it. hmm how shld i put this. it’s like being able to laugh for no good reason for ages and still think it’s funny over a period of time, without feeling weird after that. although it may seem so childish and immature, you know there’s really nothing wrong with that. you just have to act appropriately when you really have to.

last year felt so horrible. even thinking of it makes me cringe. although it may seem like i had everything, nothing was really tangible. everything was like a bubble, pretty, never seem to last long and (almost)worthless. and i think i could emo the 365 days away easily. this year, didnt really have anything(woohoo!), but it also meant i didnt have anything to block my vision anymore. nothing to hold me down, or stop me from feeling whatever i wanted to. everything’s clearer. what i want to be and how i shld do it. maybe sometimes all we need is the basic instincts, some wits and air to breathe(plus food and water).

i look back into my archives sometimes. haha i think i changed. i can’t really decide whether it’s for better or for worse. whatever moment you are in, it will seem like you have alr considered every single aspect of your life. probably thought things through, and felt that you are the most rational person. yet as time goes by, our mindset and vision just gets bigger. and we realise how much we really dunno. and then when you look back, sometimes whatever you said or did seemed so…. funny, you can’t believe you actually did it.

deleted smses today cos the memory was full. i dunno why but i actually felt a little sad when i deleted them. hahaha there wasnt anything special inside!

oh man, am i going to die. lol, why the post today so scary.

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