got class outing tmr at sentosa. but i’m not exactly looking forward to it. just that… maybe for the past 10 plus mths i really did not er… let’s say bond with the ppl la. sometimes i wonder if u can ever blame anyone for that. or that can even be blamed in the first place or not. but to be honest, even if we are in a super hot classroom, the feeling i get is always very cold and rather, not much feeling to anyone at all. or maybe just not as much as towards other ppl i know else where. last day of school tmr, and everything abt last year keeps replaying. maybe because other than whatever happened last time, i have not much memories abt anything anymore. and i would very much try not to rmb things that er… just certain things that happen outside class.
told my mother that i’d be getting back report card tmr and she asked me to go compare with other ppl(so that i know that i know i’m not that smart need to work hard blah blah blah la). then i thought… huh later sure feel suicidal one. but of course, that thought was never expressed out. but in any case i never really minded that much being planted in a mugger class la. i mean results are not everything to me so i dun really bother that much. until i realised muggers really mug alot alot alot alot alot. or maybe they dun mug la, just plain smart lor. either case, not fitting in the intellectual group sometimes feels… awkward too. but that’s quite a minor prob anyway. still, maybe i shld work hard next year too.
maybe i’m over reacting, but that’s what i’m feeling now…
this year feels like a horror movie played over and over again, but never making me any braver, even if the plot/story/characters/scenes/anything else is the same.
very weird post, but i dun really know what i’m thinking now either. if tmr suddenly alot of ppl pangseh us then…………. actually i dunno what i’ll do/react. i think i’ve prepared myself for worst case scenario alr. sorry i think i’m (maybe)paranoid too. alot of maybe-s cos, i dun have the answers.